Shut up woman, get on my horse.

Hi to my loyals.  And a good morning to you, fellow writers.

You're writers, not bloggers -- by the way.  Blogging sounds empty and boring and soap-boxy.  Writing sounds like it has a point, a purpose or reason.  A writer sounds like a person who might write interesting things, while a blogger sort of sounds like a person who might write about interesting things.  To me, there's a difference.

All I'm saying is, whatever it is you write for -- a newspaper, online journal or a blog -- never forget that you are writers.  Blogging sounds like a job.  Work.  Writing doesn't.  I'm not hating on bloggers, I just think bloggers shouldn't call themselves "bloggers."

Actually, I don't know what I'm saying.  I've been up since 3 a.m. and I'm doing this on an hour of sleep.  And I know what I said earlier.  I said I wasn't going to write again in 2009.  I just missed you bitches so fucking much I had to come back.  In that sense, you people are like cocaine.  Maybe writing is like cocaine.  I think it's a combination of the two.

And never forget that I call you "bitches" completely out of love.  I don't mean it literally (obviously) or figuratively.

Now, to why I called you all here.

There's a little place on the Internet dedicated solely to one looped song, accompanied by animation by the same people who brought you Badger Badger Badger.  This Web site that shares its name with the song is called Shut up Woman, Get on my Horse.

Let me tell you about this real quick.  An old-timey man with a killer 'stache rides up on his goofy, yet somehow cool-as-hell horse.  There's a lady there, and he immediately begins serenading her with a song about how totally fucking awesome his horse is and how, if you stroke its mane, it'll turn into a plane.  He then makes a really crude dick joke.  You'll have to see that one for yourself.

He then reveals he has a secret that he doesn't think the woman wants to know:  where the sweet lemonade is made.  I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't want to know.

The man with the bad-ass 'stache wants to take this lovely lady on his horse around the Universe and "all the other places, too."  She then sasses him by saying the Universe pretty much already covered everything.  'Stache man will have none of that, though, and he drops the line that named the site and song, "shut up woman, get on my horse."  After which the song and animation loop seamlessly back to the beginning.

Like 97 percent of all pop music, this should be considered a complete waste of time -- but it isn't.  Why?  Because it's so goddamn catchy.  It's hysterically annoying, I could loop it forever and I hate myself so much for it.

Plus, there's like this split-second moment after he says his horse is amazing where it cuts to an extreme close-up of the dumbest and greatest stupidly proud horseface I've ever seen:

Do you know how long it took me to screencap this? Too fucking long. But just look at that FACE.

I can't say I won't post again in 2009 because you and I both know my word isn't worth shit at this point. Until then though, don't forget to like, join the Content Unrelated Facebook fan page or follow my shenanigans on Twitter. I want to know what you're thinking and what you have to say 'n shit, or something.

So I guess I'll see you when I see you.