Is it Manly? #6: Watching Chick Flicks

No.  Your eyes aren't deceiving you.

After lying dormant for almost four months, Is it Manly? returns to your mom's basement.

Don't dick around with me, I know that's where you are.

Me too, man. Fuck this economy.

Alright, gents.

Welcome to the sixth installment of Is it Manly?  I know you gentlemen come to Content Unrelated for the real deal on what is and isn't manly. You trust me; and while I wonder why the fuck you'd make that mistake in the first place, I still appreciate it nonetheless.

New to the series?

Is it Manly? features one product or service in each post.  Based on research conducted by me and fueled by my opinions alone; reasons, examples and evidence (mostly bullshit I make up on the spot) will be provided as to why society might deem these products as less than manly.

After an intense investigation (again, mostly bullshit), a ruling of whether or not said product or service should be considered manly will be made.

All decisions are final. No refunds, exchanges or returns.

So, what are we dealing with here?  What exactly are Click Flicks?
Romantic Comedies.  Dramas.  Sad stories about quirky women who never get laid, and then one day find the perfect guy; or the women who just flat-out fuck too much -- and then one day find the perfect guy.  Those movies you were dragged to by that one girl you'd do anything for, but God for-fucking-bid you want to take her to see the new Predators flick.  Then it's all, "You know I don't like those movies and all that blowing up and fire and blood and gore and loud noises and blah blah fucking blah."

Just tell her it's about puppies.

We're dealing with The Lake Houses, Titanics and pretty much any movie made from a goddamn Nicholas Sparks book.  Any movie that makes a man want to drink himself into a forgetful bliss with Sportscenter or porn in the background just so he can feel like he has a pair of testicles again.

When they're okay:
I mean, if you think about it for a second, if you play your cards right -- you could totally use it to like, showcase your softer side.  Now, I know as men we don't cry for shit.  It isn't manly.  In fact, if there were an Is it Manly? post about crying, it'd be like, three words long: "no fucking way."

In a nutshell.

But, as a gender that only tears up when there's a speck of dust in our eyes of when we take a jab to The Chief, accessing our softer, whinier, more emo side is a little trickier.

When she isn't looking, squirt a little Visine in your eye.  I know, I know!  You can use it for things other than to get rid of that I've-been-smoking-pot-since-three-in-the-afternoon redeye of yours.

Sure, to everyone else in the theater you look like a crying bitch.  But to her, you're vulnerable.  You're weak.  All she wants to do is take care of you.

That being said:  These flicks are only socially acceptable to watch when you're with a woman.  At least then you could play the "she totally forced me to go" card if you are, in fact, into these movies for whatever reason.

When they're not:
If you're alone.  If you're making the conscious decision to watch the Notebook.  By yourself.  That's when it isn't okay.  That's when it isn't manly.  The only movies a man should be watching by himself are ones where the end scene is referred to as the money shot.  Or Die Hard.  Or Ninja Assassin.


Similar, more manly options:
If you're going at this alone (which is basically the group of dudes this post is more geared towards), movies like ones from Judd Apatow work just fine.  Knocked Up, Superbad and Forgetting Sarah Marshall are hysterical.  Just enough dirty for the man in you, and just enough sappy bullshit for the 16-year-old girl in you.

So, are they manly?
I mean seriously guys -- the next time you go into work and you talk about movies, make sure you tell all your friends your favorite movie is Nights in Rodanthe, come back here and leave a comment.  Tell the rest of us how manly you felt.

How could they be manlier?
If it starred Bruce Willis as John McClane and something exploded every seven-and-a-half minutes.  He and the leading-lady love interest could hug or kiss or sex or something at the end for it to qualify as a love story, but instead of saying "I love you," he'd say, "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker."

The word "love" wouldn't be there, but we'd know what he meant -- right, gents?

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Now men -- go forth and do manly things.  Hammer up some drywall or drive your car recklessly -- but don't you even think about stopping to ask for directions.

Are they manly? Find out!
#5 - Listening to Chick Bands
#4 - Cuddling
#3 - Tighty-Whities
#2 - Fruity Beers
#1 - Elliptical Machines

Yippie-ki-yay, motherfuckers!