But isn't it time to give Monday a break and start hating Wednesday? Wednesday has forever stood in the way of the rest of your week. You figure if you can make it over the hump, Thursday and Friday will be a breeze.
But Wednesday is a cold, heartless bitch. Wednesday will not go down without a fight. So grab yourself some espresso, do a line on a toilet seat at work or masturbate furiously (you know, whatever helps you cope) -- because if we're going down, we're taking Wednesday with us.
1. Getting the latest, mind-numbingly annoying hit song stuck in your head.
Music sucks, nowadays. There's no substance or thought that goes into anything you'll hear on any hit station. Try to find a song that doesn't mention shorties, bitches, dancing, Jack Daniels, rocking your body, wanting to be a billionaire so freaking bad or someone who only wants to break break your break break your heart.
If you found one, good for you. I bet it isn't one played every hour on the hour like the other ones are.
I will say this -- that while these songs may annoy you to the point of wanting to jam needles in your earholes, douse yourself in lighter fluid and go all "sacrificial protester" on everyone -- is that these songs are goddamn catchy.
That's what determines good music. How quickly can it burrow into the deepest regions of your brain and stay there, festering and killing neighboring braincells faster than that time you huffed a Sharpie.
That's why it is especially horrible if you absolutely hate the music to begin with. You're at work or in a store or something, minding your own business, when some asshat goes all, "rah-rah-rah-ah-aah..." Now, Bad Romance is stuck in your head until you either hear the whole song, you hear a different, far more horrible song or a meteor strikes the planet and takes humanity with it.
I usually hope for the meteor.
2. Trying to do something cool, but instead you fail miserably. Usually with a substantial audience.
It usually always starts with the same words. You either say them out loud or in your head, but they're there.
"Watch this."
Take this guy for example. He is at a party. There is alcohol. There are chicks. Everything is a good idea at this point.
So maybe not everything is a good idea.
This poor, hapless son of a bitch sets his goddamn throat on fire, turning himself into a human flamethrower.
Another example. Last night, I was walking through my place of employment at sort of a fast pace. As I'm doing this, I'd quickly realized there was a chair that I was dangerously close to barreling over in the middle of one of the rooms. Instead of stopping quickly (because I was within inches of plowing through it), moving the chair and continuing my journey to the shitter, I thought it'd be a good idea to just do a quick hop over the seat. The chair is short. I am tall. I thought I could make it.
"Watch this."
In front of about 20 strangers, my foot clips the seat of the chair while I'm in mid-hop. I immediately start plummeting towards the ground, taking the chair with me, bruising my knee and severely damaging my pride.
Don't worry, y'all. My face broke most of the fall.
3. When you can't look left because some asshole pulled up too far.
Driving sucks unless you're doing 90 down an empty highway. Usually though, it's 30 in a 45 behind some bluehair in a Buick who stops for yellow lights and train tracks. Usually it's some douchebag who cuts you off, only to be stopped at the same red light as you two miles down the road.
Usually it's the guy to the left of you who pulls too far forward, blocking your view of the entire right lane when you want to make a right turn.
This is especially annoying when you haven't seen a car pass you in five minutes, and this guy refuses to pull out into the middle lane to continue his seemingly never-ending pursuit of a successful left-hand turn.
They're usually in some unnecessarily huge SUV, too.
I think it'd be safe to bet that they don't have a fucking clue how to park it on more than one or two tries, either.
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There you go, children. I hope you enjoyed your Things that Suck fix. If you have anything sucky you need discussed here on a TtS post, write that shit in the comments! You've seen how we do things around here, give me some thoughts.
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