Here are a few the things you can save on when you one-stop-shop:
Get 10-pack of Gatorade for $4.99
A gallon of milk for three-something.
Two bags of chips for four bucks.
And a box of condoms -- for your soul.
Eternal damnation never felt this good.
You make no sense, Walmart.
You refuse to sell CDs with explicit content. That's stupid, but I guess I can understand your intentions, even though they're, you know -- stupid. But now you're giving condoms a bad rap. Condoms aren't evil; the real evil is the resulting spawn of two people who didn't buy them in the first place.
Seriously. Kids are fucking mean these days.
Probably because of those rated-R movies and rated-M video games you still sell. Both of which are rated the way they are because of the gratuitous amounts of four-letter words (even more than you'd find here), severed heads, boobies and dead hookers.
But CDs mentioning any of those things, well they can just go piss off, right?
While they may try to stop you from listening to dirty words, don't let Walmart stop you from stopping babies. Don't be afraid of the Condoms of the Damned, guys. I'm pretty sure a night with the Desolate One is a little better than 18 years of child support and six visits to the Maury show.
May you spend a half hour spooning, before the Devil knows you came.
I work in a restaurant. Whenever someone freaks about a $6.66 total, I say "Oh, it's okay. There's a decimal point."
ReplyDeleteWhen you get it 10x a day, you start gettgin superchocked at how seriously people take that ish. I've seen people order ONE MORE THING just to change the total.
*sigh*
Okay, so seriously. I just had a friend email me your address BY MISTAKE. And it's funny because I actually like your blog. How creepy is that? BUT YOU CANNOT MAKE FUN OF THE DUCK FACE, because I'm a duck face hero. SORRY! I'm following you now.
ReplyDeleteMargaret -- Yeah, I do the restaurant thing, too, so I know what you mean. The other thing people freak out about is having three sixes in succession in their phone numbers. I've known people who work at cell phone companies who have had to reassign a phone number because someone didn't want 666 in it.
ReplyDeleteAnnah -- I appreciate your friend's mistake! I very much enjoy your blog as well. Feel free to mistakenly send my blog address to all your friends, too, so I can get my page views higher than the normal negative eleventeen.
And I'll try not to make fun of the duck face anymore, too :) Thanks for the follow!