Google Has Led You Astray #4

In these posts, I explore the search terms people were using when they happened upon my little slice of heaven instead of getting what they really wanted -- like when your boss called you in his office and you thought it was about that raise you were up for, but instead, he fired your ass.

Because the Internet is still full of really weird shit, and the world is still full of people who search for it.

People found Content Unrelated when they searched for things like:

1.  "horse doing a lady"
Way to keep it classy, sir.  And I say "sir" because I know for a fact there isn't a woman out there who would willfully seek out images and videos of another woman getting plowed by fucking Mr. Ed.  Why would anyone want to see that, anyway?  I think Seth Rogan's character in The 40 Year Old Virgin said it best.

"We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.  You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse.  It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her."

Plus, I'm a little disturbed at how many search terms involved women and horses to begin with.  I'm talking double digits.  You people disgust me.

2.  "nova scotia shags birds"
Okay, Internet, this is getting a little ridiculous.  You're taking this interspecies erotica shit to a whole new disturbing level.  The person who searched for this can't really think there's a Web site out there with videos or pictures of an entire province doing the nasty with birds.  It'd be like if Alfred Hitchcock had the nightmare that inspired The Birds, he immediately had a wet dream based on the same subject.

Nova Scotia can't hurt you anymore.

3.  "things that suck about being 18"
That's easy.  Being able to die for your country without being able to drink for it.  Being tried as an adult.  College.  Student loans.  Getting your own apartment because you thought being 18 and having your own place meant making your own rules, when in reality you still have to get up early for work or school, you have more to clean and you actually have to pay people so you can use the Internet, turn on a light and take a shower.  Realizing the real world isn't like the one they show you on MTV.  The inevitable start of crippling debt.  Reality.

4.  "burning tighty-whities"
It's really never a good idea to light your pants on fire.




If, in fact, your tighty-whities are burning and you haven't recently doused your pants in lighter fluid and set them ablaze, you should probably get off Google, go to the store and settle with a new brand of underpants.

5.  "paid for a vagina wedgie"
Fuck!  People get paid for this?  My career counselor's an asshole.

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As always, there are plenty more where these came from. As long as people keep searching for weird shit and finding Content Unrelated instead (suckers!), I'll have fuel for this fire.

Thanks again, Internet.

For more Google shenanigans, check out the Google Has Led You Astray archives.

Don't forget, you can follow the bullshit 140 characters at a time on Twitter. Or, you can get your "like" on with Facebook.  And, since there is no shortage of simple ways to show your friends the kind of stupid shit you read, I added share buttons next to the comment link.  You should use them.  Really.

You could even make things easier on yourself by clicking "Follow" above.