Triceratops is a lie.

You might remember some time back when Science decided to take our childhoods out back and hand them a good ol' fashioned ass-whipping by way of telling us Pluto got cut from the team.

Now that our collective inner youths have had enough time to recover, Science strikes again.

"Triceratops never existed, according to dinosaur experts. Scientists claim it was a younger version of the torosaurus dinosaur. Triceratops were never on earth because they didn't have its own distinct species."

When I was a kid, I had a toybox full of dinosaurs.  I held a Triceratops in my bare hands.  You're going to tell me that never happened?  And what's that "shape-shifter" bullshit up there?  Now you're going to tell me dinosaurs had superpowers?

Terrifying.

I mean, I'm sorry. I saw Jurassic Park.  How can a dinosaur that never existed create such a huge, steaming pile of shit?

Triceratops not real? Tell that to Dr. Sattler.  You might recognize her as the one whose arms are buried to the elbows in shit.

You've turned The Land Before Time into a cheap, kid-friendly version of Fight Club.  I mean maybe Littlefoot wasn't happy with his life, so he created an alternate personality in the form of a raving lunatic psycho bitch.

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can."

So fuck you, Science.  I almost wonder if you get joy from throwing rocks at my inner youth.

How's about you stop beating my childhood senseless, breaking its kneecaps and leaving it in a back alley to die somewhere.

Go cure cancer or something, assholes.

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UPDATE: The blue Power Ranger was found dead in his apartment this morning.  A note that read. "Nothing makes sense anymore," was found pinned to his helmet with a knife.  Investigators have ruled out foul play.

He will be missed.