Hey, buddy. Got a light?

Bullshitter's note:  This post, while entertaining, is completely inaccurate and totally misrepresents those freezers out there with actual lights inside them.  Since posting this, I have been made aware that, in fact, not all freezers are lightless.  That being said, this post has not been edited from it's original form.


Science, I'm still not apologizing to you for taking Pluto and Triceratops from me.  I still hate you forever for that.

---------Original Posting---------

Two in the morning is a breeding ground for bullshit.

This post is no exception.  Bear with me.  It's about to get really (more) stupid around here.

I've been doing some thinking, guys. Not the kind of life-altering why are we here and what does it all mean?-type of thinking I normally do while I'm showering or taking a shit -- it was just a quick thought, like when you remember you have to pay a bill or something.

Aw dammit. I'm late paying the government the monies they gave me to go to school.

Go ahead.  Repo my degree.  Not doing me any good anyway.

Anyway.

It's about my freezer.  I know.  I know.  Just hang in there.

Here's my issue.  We've given old men the gift of the erection. We can help people who are having difficulties conceiving a child (even though it's given some of them their own show on TLC).

In 50 years we've taken a machine as big as a fucking livingroom and put it in our pockets. We're putting robots in our bloodstreams, for Christ's sake! Robots!

We've put a man on the Moon (allegedly), and have sent other guys into space to fix satellites that enable us to do a picture-in-picture of that obscene fetish porn you secretly like on channel 463, while watching the New Zealand rugby team do the incredibly awesome, mind-blowingly intimidating-as-shit Haka before the game on channel 897.

"Greetings, opposition! Best of luck with today's competition! Also, suck it."

We've created a place where people can be whoever they want to be (usually soulless asshole pricks) in the comfort of their own homes, and all they need is a computer and a decent connection to the Web.

We've turned the horse and carriage into the sports car.  Somewhere, someone figured out that a bottle of liquor plus an old rag plus fire plus a good throwing arm equals a lot more fucking fire.

We have prosthetic legs so people can walk again.

We have microwave ovens for our instant macaroni and cheese needs.

We have instant fucking mac and cheese!

But after all of our technological advancements and milestones (worthless or otherwise), no one has figured out how to put a light in the fucking freezer.

Science, you've taken Pluto and Triceratops.

You owe us this.

So get with it.  God.

Oh, and cure cancer, please.